Things I Wish I’d Said

I should have…” Why can’t people just be honest and speak their thoughts? Why is it so difficult to vent 20 seconds of insane courage?

For someone who people think has experienced the best of the world, it’s not always so. I’m not a carefree person. As much as I want to say “I don’t give a shit.”, I do; I really do. (I may even be giving too much shit and thinking way too much.) Not being fat doesn’t mean I don’t get conscious with how that slice of cake would look on my thighs. That “it was good” exam I said, I actually stayed up all night for that. And just because I never had a relationship, doesn’t mean I never had my heart broken. Every time I say “Okay,” expect my mind to have partially gone through a breakdown– with all the other words I thought of saying whirling in my head, I just simply settled with those two letters: “OK.”

I think that we regret more often the things we did not do, rather than the things we’ve done. And somehow, it’s the same with words. There are too many sentences left hanging in midair– and one too many not even given the chance to be said. Maybe it’s the quarter life crisis talking. Maybe it’s the sugar from 2 cans of root beer.

10 Things I Wish I’d Said

  1. Yes. When you know you want to. There isn’t always a second chance.
  2. Next time. For the times that there are.
  3. No. I am my own person. There is a difference between being rude and standing your ground. You don’t need to make anyone feel validated but yourself.
  4. I’m / You’re Beautiful. You’re inevitably flawed. We all are. And you don’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. You did not just spend an hour fixing yourself up to downgrade yourself.
  5. I’m / It’s not okay. Because really, why convince others that everything’s fine when you can’t even process the word fine.
  6. Enough. You may have great capacity, but you aren’t infinite. Don’t drown yourself; it’s okay to float sometimes. You did what you could today. And that’s more than enough.
  7. I like you. Come on. Fuck norms. Maybe it’ll work. Maybe it won’t. But don’t waste your life waiting to be asked. Want something? Go get it. Leave the fairy godmother for the wussies.
  8. Thank you. One of the best feelings is to be appreciated.
  9. Sorry. Pride’s a bitch. Stop telling yourself “It’s not my fault.” One word is all it takes to fix everything. So be the better person.
  10. I love you. Either said too little or too much. I choose the latter.

It has always been easier to keep silent– play safe. But then what are risks for?

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